K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
