I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
