I wanna passion pit in your ass
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
