I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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