A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
