why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
