Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
