The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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