I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
