So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize