just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I see more hoeing in ur future
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
