Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
