Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
