Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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