every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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