What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
