Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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