Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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