I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
