he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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