Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
