I bet he comes in French.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
