that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
