Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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