he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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