but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
