omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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