I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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