he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
