you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
