Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

(1-857): View more from Massachusetts

Doors?

(857): View more from Massachusetts

Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

Fav 6 2647 1187
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo

Fav 30 6187 1399
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.

Fav 15 3800 1196
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(713): View more from Texas

I want to celebrate with you...

(214): View more from Texas

There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.

Fav 3 1885 884
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(248): View more from Michigan

Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?

Fav 5 1326 660
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(631): View more from New York

I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

Fav 4 1310 691
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(250): View more from British Columbia

We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...

Fav 2 1335 701
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor

Fav 0 705 541
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(620): View more from Kansas

I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.

Fav 0 36 7
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