When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
