So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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