Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Even my vagina gasped.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
