we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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