you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
