TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
