Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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