There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
