I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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