I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
