they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
