rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
