I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize