If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
