how can u be prego again
from now on my penis is your penis
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize