i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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