he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
