this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
