Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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