hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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