Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
