my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
