I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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