Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
