Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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