so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize