i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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