We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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