i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
