its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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