yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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