And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
