Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
