I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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