I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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