You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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