i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
