separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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