a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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