yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
