I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
